theo

he was born theodore calvin whitmark jr.
premature by 3 weeks, he lived in an incubator for 2 weeks.
his body needed shots to keep his immune system stable during the first half decade of his life.
now his mind needed shots to ease the pain of 27 years of hurt.
the deep wrinkles and bags under his eyes told a 702 page novel of lonliness.
when he spoke, his mouth opened paper thin.
his eyes bared themselves enough to quench his skepticism about the world outside,
but shuttered themselves enough to protect from the permeation of the same world.
love had not touched his bones in 27 years,
and they had become brittle from the heroine and self loathing.
theo's addiction to substance was only outdone by his addiction to himself.
his hair embraced his face exactly where his delicate cheek bones met his ears,
but years of anxiety had reduced his full head of hair into fine whisps of black thread.
his veins had grown fragile just like his self-esteem.
he had built up a wall years ago, just like the one around china.
he kept the world away like the analogous mongolians.
theo lived in the streets and understood shame,
he could see it in the eyes of his neighbors as they passed him in their comfortable suits on the way to their comfortable jobs.
theo was quite content to die that morning in new york,
and he was quite content to know that this would be his extended epithet.

little league

friday night me and david hughes and hayden coplen
had a conversation about little league.
we reminisced about such things as
intentional walks, TOC, south vs. north,
being horrible batters, curveballs,
catcher pop-ups, playing in outfield for the other team
when they have 8 players,
more south vs. north, slush puppies,
and of course how catcher is the best position.
if none of that made sense to you,
then you probably never played little league.
if you didn't then i am sorry.

?

he built a community.
he taught me to love ministry.
i don't think it is his time to leave.
but God knows better.
i am learning to trust Him.

i'm in no mood to blog.

wish

I am in awe of the invisible God.
my wish is for other to see Him the way i do.

good guys and bad guys

today i was waiting for my mom to come pick me up after work
(which took an hour and ten minutes)
and this little girl was walking past with her mother and she said,
(and i quote)
"why do the good guys always die and the bad guys always live."
and that one little sentence really struck a chord in my head.
she was only 6
(i know this because i had just taught her a swimming lesson)
and yet she had the ability to ask a profound question.
then i thought about it and realized that maybe the good guy always
dies because they are always letting their
guard down to help other people.
the bad guy is only looking out for number one,
ergo they keep number one alive for quite some time.
as the saying goes, "out of the mouths of babes."

new brakes

today i went to brunch with my family at mission viejo country club.
we were talking about the darwin awards
(they are called this because they are awarded to the people with the
stupidest deaths each year, or cleaning the gene pool).
one came up about a guy who just ran off a
cliff while he was zoning out on his daily jog.
my grandmother said, "maybe while he was jogging there was a hill
and he went up and over it and just fell off."
now this would be a more reasonable explanation,
if he was driving a car,
but people do not skid when they stop.
this man could have just stopped before he fell.

but in any case i think that it would be funny if humans did need
to change their brake pads every so often.
so as not to get into walk accidents.
which are analogous to car accidents.

litter

today was the last day of school for all of trabuco's graduating seniors,
and they were all very happy.
and i was happy for them, because they all seemed very happy.
they also seemed to litter an awful lot.
apparently when you are happy about something
you are supposed to throw your trash all over the campus of your high school;
if this is what happy is, then i don't really want to be happy.
happiness should not insinuate litter.

on a different note,
God taught me something very nice today.
I love Him a lot.
He is a good friend of mine.

bare feet

so today i decided not to wear shoes around school,
no big deal, right.
that is what i thought too.
but no, apparently shoes are a must.
i got told at least 3 times to put my shoes back on,
"or else."

so naturally i was curious as to what "else" was.
it turned out to be nothing,
other than burning feet.
which i am sure the office had nothing to do with.
but if they did,
i am going to sue for witchcraft.

replaceable

i was at church the other day,
and some seniors were giving their testimonies.
they were talking about a lot of things that changed their lives,
and not to seem rude or anything,
but i think i must have heard God mentioned about 3 times.

i know these people are all very Godly people,
and that they definately love God,
but every time i thought they were going to attribute something to God,
they would attribute it to the church.
now don't get me wrong,
i know the church can help a lot of people,
but it still seemed odd to me how little God was mentioned.

tell me what you think.
i could be wrong.
i could be being cynical.
maybe they mentioned God more than i thought they did.

ties

today david came over to my house
and asked if i had a tie for prom that he could use.
i said yes and brought him up to my room.
i thought that i must have had more than the three ties that were hanging there,
so naturally i started looking around.
then i realized that ties are just like every other small clothing accessories:
you will eventually lose them.
other examples of clothing accessories that you will lose are:
socks....
and well i guess just socks.
but still this lost tie is on my nerve.